Parents are very crucial in the process of choosing a life partner. God has entrusted them with wisdom, experience, and a sacred responsibility over the lives of their children. Their counsel should never be lightly regarded when it comes to such a serious matter as marriage.
But what if the parents refuse the partner you propose to them? What if their reasons of refusal are unscriptural and unreasonable? And what if, on the other hand, they are right? What should we do in both cases?
“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
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“Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. God Himself, who has placed upon them a responsibility for the souls committed to their charge, has ordained that during the earlier years of life, parents shall stand in the place of God to their children. And he who rejects the rightful authority of his parents is rejecting the authority of God.
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The Blessing of Godly Parents
It is indeed a blessing to have godly parents. When such parents give counsel, it is for the safety and happiness of their children.
“If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans; learn the lessons which their life experiences have taught.
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“If children would be more familiar with their parents, if they would confide in them, and unburden to them their joys and sorrows, they would save themselves many a future heartache. When perplexed to know what course is right, let them lay the matter just as they view it before their parents and ask advice of them. Who are so well calculated to point out their dangers as godly parents?
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When Parents Are Right
If parents, in godly wisdom, see traits of character or habits in a proposed partner that are inconsistent with a Christian life, it is wise to give their counsel serious weight. Many have disregarded such warnings only to reap sorrow in marriage.
“Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course.
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When Parents Are Wrong
But what if the reasons presented by the parents are unchristian, selfish, or unreasonable? Here, children must act with great caution and humility. Respect and honor must still be shown to parents, even when disagreeing with them.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
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Notice the phrase: “in the Lord.” Our obedience to parents is not absolute: it is conditional upon their demands aligning with the will of God. Where parental instructions conflict with God’s Word, loyalty to God must come first.
“We are to recognize human government as an ordinance of divine appointment, and teach obedience to it as a sacred duty, within its legitimate sphere. But when its claims conflict with the claims of God, we must obey God rather than men.
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Therefore, if after prayer, Bible study, and counsel from other experienced and godly Christians, you are convinced that your parents’ opposition is not based on biblical principles, and your relationship is truly in harmony with God’s Word, then you may proceed with a clear conscience before God.
“In the fear of God you may make your own choice, but let it not be a selfish choice. Let it be free from all passion and from the blindness of infatuation. Before making a final decision, confer with those who have had experience, with your parents, or with wise Christian counselors.
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Marriage is a lifelong union, and no decision should be made in haste or in rebellion. God has placed parents as counselors, but He alone is the ultimate authority. We must honor our parents, listen to their counsel, and seek to win their approval, but never at the expense of obeying God.
If our choice of a life partner is in harmony with Scripture and the Spirit of Prophecy, and our conscience is clear before God, then we may move forward prayerfully, trusting that in time, God can soften the hearts of our parents.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.
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