Some say that love is blind. But is it really love that blinds our eyes so we cannot see the dangers in the character of the one we intend to marry? Sadly, many awake in their marriage bed only to learn tragic lessons they could have discovered during courtship. Some find their spouses to have habits and traits they had never dreamed of: strange behaviors that now make life bitter.
True love is not blind. It is pure, holy, and governed by principle. The problem is not love: it is lust and the passion of the natural heart that lead people astray.
“While pure love will take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant of all restraint, and will make the object of its choice an idol.
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Genuine love will reveal modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, and religion in every step toward marriage. Lust, however, ignores red flags and mistakes emotional excitement for divine approval.
The only way to discern red flags and green lights is to have the love of God dwelling in our hearts: “the love [that] rejoiceth in the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6).
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Dislikes Domestic Labor
“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
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A godly woman is a homemaker, making her home a reflection of God’s order and beauty. Can she prepare nutritious meals? Does she know how to keep the home neat and orderly? Does she value work, or avoid it? Neglect of domestic duties is a dangerous sign for the stability of the family.
Spendthrift Tendencies
“He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.
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How does your partner use money? Is she or he wise in budgeting, avoiding unnecessary debts, and saving for the future? Marrying someone who wastes resources is inviting financial strain, and strain often breeds conflict.
Unreserved with the Opposite Gender
“Abstain from all appearance of evil.
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Is your partner flirtatious, overly touchy, or careless in speech? Are their words pure and respectful, or vulgar and suggestive? Loose behavior in courtship often worsens after marriage.
Irreverent Toward Sacred Things
“Fear God, and give glory to him.
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Does your partner treat worship, prayer, and Bible study with respect? Or do they browse social media during sermons? A person who disregards God now will not miraculously become spiritual after marriage. If they do not fear God, they will not be a safe life companion.
Unbeliever in Vital Truths
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
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It is not enough that your partner is a church member: they must believe and live the truths God has entrusted to you, such as the Sabbath, the sanctuary, and the Three Angels’ Messages. To compromise these truths for love is to place human affection above loyalty to Christ.
Disrespectful to Parents
“Honour thy father and thy mother.
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If a person dishonors their own parents and treats siblings with contempt, they are unlikely to treat a spouse with kindness and respect. Courtship should reveal how they speak to and about their family.
Green Lights to Look For
- Fears God and lives by His Word (Psalm 1:1–3; Ecclesiastes 12:13)
- Hardworking and diligent (Proverbs 31:13; Colossians 3:23)
- Shares your faith in Bible truth (Philippians 2:2)
- Respects others and practices humility (Philippians 2:3–4)
- Manifests the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23)
The Danger of Ignoring Counsel
“Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned generally do not result well but often turn out miserable failures.
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Many couples at the altar are mated but not matched: joined legally but not spiritually or emotionally compatible.
To avoid such a bitter fate, ignore that thing you may be wrongly calling love, and pray that God will help you see clearly. It is better to end a courtship now than to enter a marriage that will dishonor God and embitter your life.
Final Thought: True love will never ask you to close your eyes to danger. It will open your eyes to reality and lead you to choose with wisdom, prayer, and the counsel of God’s Word. “In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:6).