In today’s society, “come we stay” arrangements and cohabiting before marriage are becoming more common. Many believe living together before marriage helps them “test compatibility” or reduce the risk of divorce later. But is this practice biblical? Does God approve of such unions, or are they a counterfeit of His sacred design for marriage?
God’s Original Design
The Bible is clear that marriage is a covenant, not a casual arrangement. From the beginning, God established a holy standard for relationships.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
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God did not say, “they shall try living together first,” but rather He instituted marriage as the foundation of family and society. Cohabitation undermines this sacred institution by removing the solemn vows, divine blessing, and social accountability that protect both partners.
The Bible’s Warning
The apostle Paul repeatedly warns against fornication, which includes sexual intimacy outside marriage. God holds marriage in the highest honor and condemns every counterfeit of it.
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
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The Spirit of Prophecy on Marriage
Ellen White speaks very strongly about this matter. She emphasizes that marriage is not just a social arrangement, but a sacred symbol of the union between Christ and His church.
“Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that controls in the home will be the spirit that is carried into the church.
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If marriage represents the relationship between Christ and His church, then cohabitation: living together without covenant, misrepresents that holy relationship. Christ does not “cohabit” with His church on a trial basis; He enters into a covenant sealed with His blood.
“Few have correct views of marriage. Many have entered the marriage relation without thought of its responsibilities… They are not prepared to bear its burdens.
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“Come we stay” and cohabiting are not biblical. They are counterfeits of God’s design, offering temporary pleasure but long-term pain. True marriage is a covenant ordained by God, blessed in heaven, and sealed with solemn vows. As Christians, we are called to honor God’s plan, keeping relationships pure until the marriage altar. Anything short of this opens the door to broken homes, wounded hearts, and God’s judgment.
The safest path is clear: wait upon the Lord, embrace His design for marriage, and build relationships on the solid foundation of faith, commitment, and purity.
Key References
- Genesis 2:24
- Hebrews 13:4
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3–4
- Adventist Home, pp. 18, 43
- Messages to Young People, p. 440